I have this feeling.
It keeps me restless at night,
Occasionally brings me to tears
I used to be safe until two a.m.
It now haunts me in broad daylight.

Push it down.
Think about something else.

Like a hard on in a junior high classroom,
The more I try not to think
The worse my dilemma becomes.
I try to hide myself in music,
Lose myself in monotony.

Still it creeps up on me.

I need to focus.
Pen to paper.
Ignore that increase in your heart rate,
That rock in your gut.

I run out of distractions.
This jack in the box in my mind springs forth.

No more hiding.
Embrace this.

The slow strum of “Brokedown Palace”
Wraps itself around my head
As my body burns before
I taste the sweet saline.

My eyes close, trying to escape
But I only see that face again.

Open your eyes.
Relax

I breathe deeply.
The song stops.
My concentration is broken by “Sugar Magnolia.”
I look down at my phone.

Here we go again.